Monday, October 29, 2012

Making Baby #3: O faith, where art thou?

It's been more than 3 months since we started trying for a baby. I have to say we lost "faith" for a while.

I know, you must be a little surprise to be hearing it from me. The one who was so strong when we had a miscarriage and now losing faith?

I'm only human.

I didn't realize that my faith in God's plan faded until we went to see my gynae.
We went to him asking all sorts of questions like if the fibroid in me would effect my fertility or cause another miscarriage, if my miscarriage would have harmed my body and then cause me to be infertile, if my hormone changes (PMS) has any impact on my chances of conceiving.

After answering all our questions, he finally just looked at me and said "Look you and your husband are still young (in my heart I went, I'm always young compared to you!) ..."and then .. he stopped me and said... "Girl, have faith. It's God's will."

That's when I realize, where has my faith in God gone to? Why do I have so much fear of having another miscarriage? of not being able to conceive again?

And a couple of weeks after that, our church declared this year as the Year of Faith. One of the clips that was shown during mass "touched" me. It was a boy holding a candle and said that our faith flickers just like a burning candle but it will never go away, we just have to keep it burning. (I can't remember the exact words but that's what I understood from it.)

I have faith but I didn't realize that it drifted away. I pray that God will keep me strong in faith, bring us back whenever we "lose" our faith.

OK, a shorter update, I'm still not pregnant but I'm not counting my menses due dates, waiting anxiously anymore. I will just make love and pray for God to bless us with one when the time is right. :)

Jesus said to her, ’Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?’ (John 11:40)

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