Our First-Week 17

Grandpa.

I have to admit. I find it difficult to start this post. I have no idea where to begin.

Should I start by saying, "This is the week my dad went to heaven." or should I say, "This is the week my first child & future children never got to meet my wonderful father."

Anyhow, it is not all that sad as I've been taking everything positively. I told myself, "Hey! I can't stop my series at week 17 just because it's not the happiest week of all. Daddy wouldn't want him to be the reason for anything to come to a haul."

So I pumped in more courage and decided that I should dedicate this week to my one and only... daddy.

My dad was not the most enthusiastic when I told him about my pregnancy at week 5. Believe it or not he's not a person that is a fan of babies. I only found out after his surgery. He told me that he don't like kids cause they are noisy. I asked him about my sis & I. He said I love both of you because you are my daughters and God blessed me with children that are not noisy. (I told him that it's both their parenting that shaped us to be less noisy children.)

However, he was very supportive of my pregnancy. Making sure that I'm not endangering myself during train rides and asking my mum to make sure that I'm ok cause he can't do much then. He made sure that whenever I take care of him, I would have enough rest.

He once told me that he wouldn't have made it this far if I didn't sacrifice my career for him. He said "I don't know what I would do without you." (It made me cry.) I told him "I don't know what I'd do without you too. Let's do this together. Promise me you'll guide me to become a good mother." He said "Ok but remember I don't like noise. I'll just guide you but you care for the baby yourself." (That put a smile on my face.) My dad could never tolerate noise even when he was ill. Typical daddy.

When he took his last breath, it was the first time I felt a "thud" in my belly. I was rather calm at that moment and I wonder if it's a sign from the baby acknowledging grandpa has gone to heaven.

Only after consoling every one, I broke down. The first thing that came to my mind "I can no longer brand myself as daddy's girl."

He played such a big part in my life and I felt that more than half of my world has gone to just sweet memories.

Soon I realized, God loves me by blessing me with family and friends. God loves my dad because he doesn't want him to suffer anymore. My dad definitely deserve a better life than what he was going through.

I've been asked questions during my dad's funeral. One of it is "Why haven't you thought of conceiving earlier so that your dad could see his grandchild?"
With confidence, I answered.. "This is God's fate. My dad "met" his grandchild through a photo of my child in week 12. He is still watching over us in heaven. I'm sure he is loving the part where he don't have to put up with the noise." I smiled.

As much as I wish my dad would be able to hold his grandchild in his hands, it wasn't God's plan. The best way for my children to know their grandpa is for me to guide them just as how my dad has guided me.

In addition, my children will be blessed with guidance from God, my husband, my in-laws, my mum and my sister. And I'm sure my dad would be watching over us. He won't break his promise.

Our most recent family photo.

My dad & I.


Peace out!

Since this post is dedicated to my dad, do share with me the first best memory of him that pops into your head right now?

I would love to read about it. :)